Parents in the way
My journey is not a walk on roses all the time, not without thorns anyway. There is always some disturbance that shows up when you don’t expect it. This time it is the relationship with my father that is making my live miserable. This fallout I have with him is steering up really old feelings from my youth. I know I have to process them before I can get over them. It’s like a big sorrow that turns on me, telling me I am not worth of being in his world anymore, he doesn’t want me there. The rejection is hurtful and I know I have to close this capture and move on without hating the way he have treated me. After that I might be able to move on without him and his drama.
Affecting my life everywhere
This tension is not only affecting my relationship with my father and his wife. It disturbs me at work, I talk about it with my family and my mind is a total mess with anger, disappointment and so much negativity that I don’t want in my life. My stomach is totally upside down, hurting and bleeding more than I like it to.
I know I have to do something to ease my stress so I started to ask myself a few questions.
- Can I change the situation?
The answer is – NO
- Do I want to stay in the arguing and disappointment, feeling sad and thrown away?
The answer is – NO
- Do I want to move on and live my life without more drama and fighting
The answer is – YES
With those answers I know what to do. I will break up the relationship with my father for now. It still hurts but it feels a lot better when making this decision. Even if he is my father I don’t need him in my life as it is right now. My choice is not written in stone so I can always change my mind. If we can come to some understanding and more friendly feelings there is a possibility to reconnect again.
Because of the situation with my father my head doesn’t work as god as I am used to. My thoughts are all over the place but I just have to accept it, let my mind go through everything and just do what I can in this moment. Now I can see that I have done more than I believed I would do and that is a great feeling.
I have been listening to a few webinars, learning some new technical skills and made a change in my homepages structure which didn’t work as I thought it would but I have contacted the support team and they are always helpful. I had to paus my ads because they haven’t been working. I have to change them before I restart them again. There is no hurry though. I am moving forward in my own pace as usual.
Finding my smile again
Today I found my smile again. One of my sisters that lives a long way from us came to visit along with my daughter, her boyfriend and my grandson. We ordered some food and had a lovely dinner together with lots of laughter and love. In this company life is as good as it gets and I don’t want this moment to end. Well I have a few more days with my sister before she is driving all the way home to her own family. I plan to let my grandson sleep over at our house this weekend. That is what we need after the drama we have had. It’s a perfect way to end this week and I look forward to a wonderful time with lots of fun and love with my little heart of a grandson.
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See yaaa all next time!